Nightmares are a Dangerous Disease
by SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: Hijikata suffers a from a reoccurring nightmare and Gintoki refuses to leave his side. Coincides with chapter 526 of the manga.


**Title**: Nightmares are a Dangerous Disease

**Pairing**: GinHijiGin

**Rating**: T

**Disclaimer**: No

**Nightmares are a Dangerous Disease**

The moment Gintoki hears Hijikata's sounds of distress, he's moving. He's not even awake yet, but he's able to act purely on instinct with this. He rolls right over and straddles Hijikata's waist, then grabs both his wrists and pins them above his head. Hijikata struggles and looks to be in so much pain that Gintoki's heart aches, but he holds Hijikata's wrists down harder and calls out to him.

Hijikata wakes with a wounded sound and it takes awhile for the glazed sheen on his eyes to subside while he pants feverishly. Gintoki has learned that he _has_ to hold onto Hijikata's arms or he'll throw a swing or scratch himself. It's best to keep him confined and let him come back into himself, Gintoki has learned this through trial and error.

"It's okay," Gintoki says in his gentlest tone. Hijikata continues to pant and stare, body rattling with one tremor after another. "Remember what happened," he urges quietly, his thumbs carefully massaging the insides of Hijikata's wrists. "Gorilla's safe, he's over snoring in his room so loud it's a miracle we can't hear it. We could even go see him if you want."

Hijikata's still breathing hard, but he eventually shakes his head and clenches and wriggles his fingers a bit for them to be released. Gintoki lets go slowly, then sits back once he's sure Hijikata is in his right mind and isn't going to do something stupid. Both hands go to Hijikata's face and he covers himself up with them, his pants shattering the quiet one heave at a time. For his part, Gintoki sits back and waits while resisting the urge to fix Hijikata's disheveled hair and yukata just to have something to do that'll feel halfway useful.

"We could go for a walk?" Gintoki suggests after awhile.

"No. Just s-sit there and shut up."

Gintoki's mouth twitches slightly at one corner, but there's no humor in watching someone he cares for suffer so much. For the past week and a half Gintoki has been staying with Hijikata every night and he can't bring himself to leave or stop – he doesn't want to do either of those. Watching Hijikata now, seeing him shake and tremble as the effects of his nightmare continue to bind him even in the waking world, it's distressing. It's in Gintoki to want to give Hijikata everything he himself didn't have when he went through something so similar.

Just having someone there would have helped Gintoki, so he's going to be here for Hijikata even if he hasn't asked for it. He has been told to sit and shut up, so that's what he's going to do. He's seated on Hijikata's lower stomach and he's relaxed, though, there's some, quite a bit of, tension in his shoulders. How can there not be? He's doing what he can, but it doesn't feel like enough. Hijikata is _suffering_ and all Gintoki can offer is some suggestions and his presence.

"I thought ya said this would get better," Hijikata says and moves his arms so that they're over his face with just his mouth and a partial of his nose showing.

"It does, you've just gotta give yourself more time."

"How much t-time?"

"Dunno, it's different for each person." Gintoki's fingers start tracing the muscles of Hijikata's chest in an attempt to give more bodily comfort. "You can't push yourself to get over something you're not ready for yet."

Hijikata doesn't respond and tries taking deeper breaths to even out his breathing. There's a sweat on his neck, which means it's likely on his brow and his nape. Gintoki wants to get a wash cloth or something cool to give to him, but his desire to not move from his spot outweighs that want. He keeps tracing with his fingers, outlining the muscles just below Hijikata's ribcage in what he hopes is some kind of soothing manner.

"Same dream?"

"Yeah." His breathing finally goes level. "Nothin' changed."

"In a way, that's a good thing."

Hijikata's lips pull down in a frown. "How?"

"It's not getting worse."

Once more, Hijikata falls silent and though he's not panting, he's still way too tense. Gintoki wants to reach out to him more, but he doesn't dare do anything until Hijikata decides he's okay to do it. That's something Gintoki knows for sure, that it's best to let Hijikata move at his own pace and to not hound him into doing anything prematurely. Gintoki knows this from experience and though it might be different for Hijikata, this method hasn't raised any complaints so far.

Gintoki also wants to see Hijikata's face, but doesn't dare try to move and persuade Hijikata to look at him. It's understandable to want to somewhat hide when feeling vulnerable no matter how close the other person present is. There's something extremely comforting in being able to close off into a personal space and Gintoki isn't going to be the one to intrude, especially when he knows how important that security can be.

"Nn... feelin' sick."

Nausea, not an uncommon thing to accompany nightmares. The first night Hijikata had woken himself up by rolling over and heaving while all Gintoki had been able to do was rub his back until the episode subsided. That first night had truly been the worst, but Gintoki himself has been in that condition, possibly even – most definitely – worse off.

"Can you sit up?"

Hijikata hesitates, but nods minutely and removes his arms to push himself up. Gintoki scoots back so he's straddling Hijikata's thighs instead and isn't bothered that Hijikata doesn't look at him once. That's natural, no one likes to be seen when they feel weak, though, certainly Gintoki doesn't think less of Hijikata for any of the things he's going through and experiencing.

He wraps his arms around Hijikata and supports him to hold him up. He lets Hijikata rest his head in the crook of his neck, chin on his shoulder, and then instead of labored pants, the room is filled with the quiet hush of Gintoki's hands rubbing Hijikata's back. He runs a hand through Hijikata's slightly damp hair and traces his fingers along the equally damp nape, then down the valley of his spine. He knows this body, every contour of it, and he uses that knowledge in working out the kinks and tension one knotted muscle at a time.

"I know it doesn't feel like it," Gintoki whispers, "but you're doing better."

Hijikata just sighs and Gintoki kisses a warm spot on his neck, tasting residual salt on his lips right after. Hands rest lightly on Gintoki's hips, thumbs occasionally moving, but mostly Hijikata surrenders to Gintoki's ministrations. It's humbling to be trusted so much – and terrifying – but Gintoki doesn't analyze that, he only does what he can for a man that he never ever wanted to connect with on this level. He and Hijikata are already so much alike, but to now have this kind of thing in common has Gintoki's heart aching uncomfortable again.

It makes him want to try that much harder to help Hijikata heal and mend no matter what the cost. Kissing the inside of Hijikata's neck again, longer this time, Gintoki looks after Hijikata until he's worked into an untroubled sleep.

**The End**


End file.
